Today is a good day! I was able to share my story with the listeners of a Radio Broadcast from Addiction of Hope broadcasted on 95.9 interviewed by Michelle L. Beyer. I have attached the audio above. Thank you for listening.
MLK
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Marshall Keith Interview on 95.9 Addiction of Hope 11/13/14
November 13, 2014
Today is a good day! I was able to share my story with the listeners of a Radio Broadcast from Addiction of Hope broadcasted on 95.9 interviewed by Michelle L. Beyer. I have attached the audio above. Thank you for listening.
MLK
Today is a good day! I was able to share my story with the listeners of a Radio Broadcast from Addiction of Hope broadcasted on 95.9 interviewed by Michelle L. Beyer. I have attached the audio above. Thank you for listening.
MLK
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Step 6
We’re entirely ready for God to remove all of these defects of character.
After working through step four and five I have a better view of the root of my addictions- my self-centeredness! They say in AA that our problem is ourselves, and we have to take us wherever we go. And each day that passes I ask God to “relieve me of the bondage of self” I get a better picture of who I am in God’s eyes. I like the way David worked his program of recovery, “how can I know all the sins lurking in my heart? Cleanse me from these hidden faults. Keep your servant from deliberate sins! Don’t let them control me. Then I will be free of guilt and innocent of great sin. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.” (Psalm 19:12-14 NLT)
In order to work step 6 I have to realize that one day with God’s peace and serenity and love in my heart is better than a thousand in the streets of addiction, pride, and selfishness. And if giving up my self to him which includes all my character defects, my secret sins, my guilty pleasures, my defense mechanisms, means that I get to continue on his strength, peace, and joy then I AM entirely ready for God to remove all of those defects of character.
“A single day in your courts is better than a thousand anywhere else” I would rather be a gatekeeper in the house of my God than live in the good life in the house of the wicked.” (Psalm 84:10 NLT)
I lied to you
I cheated you
I stole from you
I manipulated you
I played you
You forgave me
You supported me
You told me the truth
You encouraged me
You loved me
And for that
“I love with the love of the Lord.
I can see in you the glory of my King,
And I love you with the love of the Lord.”
Thank you for saving my life.
~Marshall K.
After working through step four and five I have a better view of the root of my addictions- my self-centeredness! They say in AA that our problem is ourselves, and we have to take us wherever we go. And each day that passes I ask God to “relieve me of the bondage of self” I get a better picture of who I am in God’s eyes. I like the way David worked his program of recovery, “how can I know all the sins lurking in my heart? Cleanse me from these hidden faults. Keep your servant from deliberate sins! Don’t let them control me. Then I will be free of guilt and innocent of great sin. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.” (Psalm 19:12-14 NLT)
In order to work step 6 I have to realize that one day with God’s peace and serenity and love in my heart is better than a thousand in the streets of addiction, pride, and selfishness. And if giving up my self to him which includes all my character defects, my secret sins, my guilty pleasures, my defense mechanisms, means that I get to continue on his strength, peace, and joy then I AM entirely ready for God to remove all of those defects of character.
“A single day in your courts is better than a thousand anywhere else” I would rather be a gatekeeper in the house of my God than live in the good life in the house of the wicked.” (Psalm 84:10 NLT)
I lied to you
I cheated you
I stole from you
I manipulated you
I played you
You forgave me
You supported me
You told me the truth
You encouraged me
You loved me
And for that
“I love with the love of the Lord.
I can see in you the glory of my King,
And I love you with the love of the Lord.”
Thank you for saving my life.
~Marshall K.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Untitled
Happy Belated Mother’s Day Everyone! I am no longer writing for the Pickaway Correctional Institution’s (PCI) newsletter, as I have been moved to Marion Correctional Institution (MCI) and have been placed into their “camp”, which is their minimum security facility. I am about two hours or so closer to home. These “updates” will be targeted more towards my blog readers and less towards my fellow inmates via the Recovery Services Newsletter. My awesome sister had just been posting my newsletter articles for me every month and now I will be writing for the blog. I recently had a visit with some dear family friends, the Nobles, and they were under the impression that I was posting the updates to the blog from within the “walls”, so I thought I might let you in on the secret too- Rachel, my sister posts these for me via snail mail! Thanks Rach! She’s a trooper, especially because my hand writing is awful! I have actually only seen what the blog looks like from a screen print she has sent me months and months ago. In 21 more months I’ll get to type my updates myself, until then…Thanks, Sis!
In AA, they say, “You’re only as sick as your secrets. “The longer I keep skeletons in my closet, the longer I live with shame and guilt. This begins May, I like to take a look at the step of the Month 5 “We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.” This step requires honesty, true humility, and willingness. After working step 4; I couldn’t wait to tell on myself, because I could see the freedom at the end of the “tunnel”. There is no real freedom without confession, what a relief it is to finally give up the weight of my lies and excuses. When I confess my sins, I find the internal peace I lost so long ago. I am also one step closer on my journey to recovery. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:19) NIV
-Marshall K.
In AA, they say, “You’re only as sick as your secrets. “The longer I keep skeletons in my closet, the longer I live with shame and guilt. This begins May, I like to take a look at the step of the Month 5 “We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.” This step requires honesty, true humility, and willingness. After working step 4; I couldn’t wait to tell on myself, because I could see the freedom at the end of the “tunnel”. There is no real freedom without confession, what a relief it is to finally give up the weight of my lies and excuses. When I confess my sins, I find the internal peace I lost so long ago. I am also one step closer on my journey to recovery. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:19) NIV
-Marshall K.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Take a "Fourth" or drink a Fifth!
I first started seriously working the steps after I received my Big Book from World Services in '09. I was in Belmont Correctional Institution, better known to us inmates as “Gladiator School”, and I hadn’t even been down 6 months and I was desperately hopeless, and starving for some peace & serenity. I found hope in AA and I remembered from the meeting on the street that the program really does work, if you work it, I had been heavenly involved with religion there as well, and found a level of comfort in it, but I knew I needed to do something about my addictions. So I wrote Alcoholics Anonymous World Services in New York and explained my situation. They sent me a Big Book and some AA literature and I was on my way.
I worked the steps as best as I could by myself. (They say in AA that whoever sponsors himself has a fool for a sponsor). Just as the Big Book describes it, and got to step four when my pride and ego slammed on the brakes, “Surely, there is an easier, softer way…?” it said. While my step work came to a halt, I continued on my journey for peace, serenity and recovery. I got involved with some other programs the prison had to offer and continued going to meetings, but I knew I had a lot more work to do.
I was transferred to Pickaway Correctional Institution and discovered there a fully functional community of people in recovery and an AA group that was flourishing. I recommitted myself to my step work, and began looking for a sponsor- there had been no AA sponsorship available in the prison I came from. I dove into recovery head first ignoring the warning signs ”Easy does it,” and nearly knocked myself out of it. Fell time and time again, but pressed on because my desire to get better and stay sober was greater than my desire to quit.
“So when AA suggests a fearless moral inventory, it must seem to every new comer that more is being asked of him than he can do. Both his pride and fear beat him back every time he tries to look within himself, pride says, “You need not pass this way,” Fear says, “You dare not look!” But the testimony of AA’s who have really tried a moral inventory is that pride and fear of this sort turn out to be boogeymen, nothing else.” (Twelve & Twelve pg. 49)
Every time I sat down to work on my Fourth Step, I would get knee deep and decide that I better put it off some more for one reason or another. I never had a problem coming up with an excuse (aren’t addicts the Kings of Excuses?). Before I knew it a year had passed and I was stuck on step four. My contentment started to weigh and I began to relapse emotionally. My pride was in full effect and I justified my actions as my difficulties started to mount. However, I continued to seek God, and continued to work steps 1, 2, & 3 in my life as well as continued to show up & participate in meetings. “Meeting makers, make it!” And I finally took some suggestions – and just did it!
“Step Four is the vigorous and painstaking effort to discover what the liabilities in each of us have been, and are. I want to find exactly how, when, and where my natural desires have warped me. I wish to look squarely at the unhappiness this has caused others and myself. By discovering what my emotional deformities are, I can move toward their correction. Without a willing and persistent effort to do this, there can be little sobriety or contentment for me.” (Daily Reflections, pg. 100)
Pride and Fear turned out to be boogeymen, indeed! I was filled with a new sense of confidence as I began to take a true look at who I really am, and why I do what I do. Taking a suggestion I made an appointment with someone to take my Fifth Step and admit to myself, to God, and to another human being the exact nature of my wrongs. What a relief that was- words can’t describe it!
- Marshall K.
I worked the steps as best as I could by myself. (They say in AA that whoever sponsors himself has a fool for a sponsor). Just as the Big Book describes it, and got to step four when my pride and ego slammed on the brakes, “Surely, there is an easier, softer way…?” it said. While my step work came to a halt, I continued on my journey for peace, serenity and recovery. I got involved with some other programs the prison had to offer and continued going to meetings, but I knew I had a lot more work to do.
I was transferred to Pickaway Correctional Institution and discovered there a fully functional community of people in recovery and an AA group that was flourishing. I recommitted myself to my step work, and began looking for a sponsor- there had been no AA sponsorship available in the prison I came from. I dove into recovery head first ignoring the warning signs ”Easy does it,” and nearly knocked myself out of it. Fell time and time again, but pressed on because my desire to get better and stay sober was greater than my desire to quit.
“So when AA suggests a fearless moral inventory, it must seem to every new comer that more is being asked of him than he can do. Both his pride and fear beat him back every time he tries to look within himself, pride says, “You need not pass this way,” Fear says, “You dare not look!” But the testimony of AA’s who have really tried a moral inventory is that pride and fear of this sort turn out to be boogeymen, nothing else.” (Twelve & Twelve pg. 49)
Every time I sat down to work on my Fourth Step, I would get knee deep and decide that I better put it off some more for one reason or another. I never had a problem coming up with an excuse (aren’t addicts the Kings of Excuses?). Before I knew it a year had passed and I was stuck on step four. My contentment started to weigh and I began to relapse emotionally. My pride was in full effect and I justified my actions as my difficulties started to mount. However, I continued to seek God, and continued to work steps 1, 2, & 3 in my life as well as continued to show up & participate in meetings. “Meeting makers, make it!” And I finally took some suggestions – and just did it!
“Step Four is the vigorous and painstaking effort to discover what the liabilities in each of us have been, and are. I want to find exactly how, when, and where my natural desires have warped me. I wish to look squarely at the unhappiness this has caused others and myself. By discovering what my emotional deformities are, I can move toward their correction. Without a willing and persistent effort to do this, there can be little sobriety or contentment for me.” (Daily Reflections, pg. 100)
Pride and Fear turned out to be boogeymen, indeed! I was filled with a new sense of confidence as I began to take a true look at who I really am, and why I do what I do. Taking a suggestion I made an appointment with someone to take my Fifth Step and admit to myself, to God, and to another human being the exact nature of my wrongs. What a relief that was- words can’t describe it!
- Marshall K.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Courage: Step Three
If you’ve humbled yourself enough to admit your powerlessness over alcohol and drugs, and you’ve come to believe that, “yes, there must be a Higher Power out there that can restore me,” Then you’re ready to make a decision. The old timers used to make a man or women who were at this point get on their knees (it’s an act of humbleness and surrender- it really helps. If you’ve never tried it, you should.) in a private bedroom, and pray the Third Step Prayer: “God, I offer myself to Thee- to build with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy will always!”
Let the freedom ring! Who knew?! I used to try to so hard to control my life and do what I thought was best for me- which really was me just doing what I wanted to do… And boy was I miserable. It’s said in meetings all the time that “It’s a lot harder to stay drunk and high, that it is to stay sober.” Now, that was a lot of work and all for nothing(Mr. McGhee calls it our “death-style”). Today, I totally understand that I only have to make a decision (be willing) to abandon myself utterly to Him, who has all power, all knowledge, and is everywhere at once, and follow Good Orderly Direction.
“It is when we try to make our will confirm to God’s that we begin to use it rightly. To all of us, this was a most wonderful revelation. Our whole trouble had been the misuse of willpower. We had tried to bombard our problems with it instead of attempting to bring it into agreement with God’s intention for us. To make this increasingly possible is the purpose of AA’s Twelve Steps and Step Three opens the door.
Once we have come into agreement with these ideas, it is really easy to begin the practice of Step Three. In all times of emotional disturbance or indecision, we can pause, ask for quiet, and in the stillness simply say: “God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Thy will, not mine, be done.” (Twelve &Twelve, Pg. 40-41)
Is my life a bed of roses today? No. Will it ever be? Probably not, but I know that peace and happiness are achievable for me today, no matter what happens, by simply surrendering my life to my creator and living it. I can rest easy knowing that God is in control of my life.
~Marshall K.
Let the freedom ring! Who knew?! I used to try to so hard to control my life and do what I thought was best for me- which really was me just doing what I wanted to do… And boy was I miserable. It’s said in meetings all the time that “It’s a lot harder to stay drunk and high, that it is to stay sober.” Now, that was a lot of work and all for nothing(Mr. McGhee calls it our “death-style”). Today, I totally understand that I only have to make a decision (be willing) to abandon myself utterly to Him, who has all power, all knowledge, and is everywhere at once, and follow Good Orderly Direction.
“It is when we try to make our will confirm to God’s that we begin to use it rightly. To all of us, this was a most wonderful revelation. Our whole trouble had been the misuse of willpower. We had tried to bombard our problems with it instead of attempting to bring it into agreement with God’s intention for us. To make this increasingly possible is the purpose of AA’s Twelve Steps and Step Three opens the door.
Once we have come into agreement with these ideas, it is really easy to begin the practice of Step Three. In all times of emotional disturbance or indecision, we can pause, ask for quiet, and in the stillness simply say: “God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Thy will, not mine, be done.” (Twelve &Twelve, Pg. 40-41)
Is my life a bed of roses today? No. Will it ever be? Probably not, but I know that peace and happiness are achievable for me today, no matter what happens, by simply surrendering my life to my creator and living it. I can rest easy knowing that God is in control of my life.
~Marshall K.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
STEP 2: Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity
"But my friend sat before me, and he made the point blank declaration that God had done for him what he could not do for himself…Had this power originated in him? Obviously, it had not. There had been no more power in him than there was in me at that minute; and this was none at all. That floored me.” (B.B. pg. 11)
It has been described in AA for a long time that we “came”, then we “come to”, and then we “come to believe.” I believe it happens for many of us like that- gradually. We “came” through the humility we gained in step 1 when we admitted the manageability of our lives and the acceptance of our addiction. We “Came To” through opened mindedness that maybe “our way “wasn’t the best way after all, and that maybe these AA and NA people might be onto something. We “came to” believe that through willingness and faith that something bigger was at work here that can’t be seen that could give us hope again and restore our sanity.
Through this step we are able to participate in the Grace of God, and experience those first rays of serenity. We begin to awaken spirituality. I realized that life is worth living again. And my mental obsessions begin to fade in the light of this clarity. All I have to do is be willing to believe in a power greater than myself. That’s it, and I’m on my way to true life.
“This AA business, I thought, is totally unsuccessful. This I can’t swallow. I simply won’t consider such nonsense. Then I woke up, I had to admit that AA showed results, prodigious results. I saw that my attitude regarding these had been anything but sufficient. It wasn’t AA that had the closed mind, it was me. The minute I stopped arguing, I then begun to see and feel. Right there Step 2 gently and very gradually began to infiltrate my life. I can’t say upon what occasion or upon what day I came to believe in a power greater than myself, but I certainly have that belief now. To acquire it, I had only to stop fighting and start practicing AA and the programs as enthusiastically as I could.” (twelve & twelve pg. 27)
Humility, opened mindedness and willingness leads to faith in Step 2; where God’s grace began to be felt or “realized.”
We “Came” through humility, we “Came To” with an opened mind, and we “Came to Believe” through willingness and through faith that something greater was working behind what we cannot see to give us hope and restore sanity.
It has been described in AA for a long time that we “came”, then we “come to”, and then we “come to believe.” I believe it happens for many of us like that- gradually. We “came” through the humility we gained in step 1 when we admitted the manageability of our lives and the acceptance of our addiction. We “Came To” through opened mindedness that maybe “our way “wasn’t the best way after all, and that maybe these AA and NA people might be onto something. We “came to” believe that through willingness and faith that something bigger was at work here that can’t be seen that could give us hope again and restore our sanity.
Through this step we are able to participate in the Grace of God, and experience those first rays of serenity. We begin to awaken spirituality. I realized that life is worth living again. And my mental obsessions begin to fade in the light of this clarity. All I have to do is be willing to believe in a power greater than myself. That’s it, and I’m on my way to true life.
“This AA business, I thought, is totally unsuccessful. This I can’t swallow. I simply won’t consider such nonsense. Then I woke up, I had to admit that AA showed results, prodigious results. I saw that my attitude regarding these had been anything but sufficient. It wasn’t AA that had the closed mind, it was me. The minute I stopped arguing, I then begun to see and feel. Right there Step 2 gently and very gradually began to infiltrate my life. I can’t say upon what occasion or upon what day I came to believe in a power greater than myself, but I certainly have that belief now. To acquire it, I had only to stop fighting and start practicing AA and the programs as enthusiastically as I could.” (twelve & twelve pg. 27)
Humility, opened mindedness and willingness leads to faith in Step 2; where God’s grace began to be felt or “realized.”
We “Came” through humility, we “Came To” with an opened mind, and we “Came to Believe” through willingness and through faith that something greater was working behind what we cannot see to give us hope and restore sanity.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)