First Things First

" Let us resist the proud assumption that since God has enabled us to do well in one area, we are destined to be a channel of saving grace for everybody." -From AA Comes of Age

I have been sober since April 13, 2008. My head is free from any mind-altering substances, and I have been working a program of recovery that has helped me get honest with myself and others. But for the Grace of God, I am sober today and continuing to try to do the next right thing.

I used to think, early on in recovery, that when I got two years sober I would be free from all those thoughts and cravings, and my thought life would be back to normal. Of course, I have come to realize that our disease uses our thoughts more than anything against us.

I still have user dreams and I still get crazy thoughts from left field. Today, I try to think those thoughts all the way through, to the point of hopelessness, where I was homeless, emotionally and spiritually bankrupt, and wishing for the end. I also still utilize the serenity prayer, daily, as many times as I need to.

There are still times that I have this thing "licked" or that I know all the answers to life and should go into psychiatry. At these times, I look to open my Big Book to page 85, "It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels... What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the spiritual condition... not my will but thine be done." Pride is a subtle foe, which, if left unchecked will separate me from God- that is the beginning of the end. I am, only, who I am today, by the grace of God. We carry the message to the still suffering addict as He wills and directs.

I don't live in yesterday, I don't live in tomorrow, but I live in today. And for that I am grateful.

-Marshall K.

"Willingness, honesty, and open-mindedness are the essentials of recovery. But these are indispensable." - AA Big Book, Appendix II, Spiritual Experience