Thank God!

I was watching another inmate who had been in a similar car accident as mine who lost some use of his left arm. (I lost the use of my right arm.) I began to get resentful because he can still use his arm and I can't. It seems childish now as I write this, but I was grumbling to myself, "You lucky son of a gun, at least you can still move your arm." Then, I got one of those thoughts, I just knew was from God,

He's lucky to be alive... and so are you.

I was immediately humbled, and I thanked God that I AM still alive. I understand that today I still have a chance to live and breathe and move. Everyday that I wake up, I have a whole new set of opportunities laid out in front of me to do the next right thing.

A friend said to me one day, "Ya, remember so & so, ya know, "Mr. Recovery",... He's back in less than a year." I was in shock. This was a man that mentored me, and that I had a tremendous amount of respect for. I had that feeling you get when someone 'gets over' on you, and I was angry. I just wanted to strangle this guy. I started asking myself, "Why am I so angry...?" I realized I wasn't angry so much at him but at myself, because I am that guy. I'm an addict too. God again reminded me, "Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy," and I am the one in need of some mercy. To this brother, you know who you are, thank God you have another chance. Many don't get that chance. Sometimes the hardest person to forgive is ourselves, and I hope you are able to eventually do that. I know you are probably kicking yourself in the butt, but I know this- I forgive you. Now move on- get back on the wagon.

Sometimes I find myself being bitter and getting depressed about being her in prison, and again God checks me, "I'm in control; let me drive this car." I "come to" again and surrender to his will. I thank him for all that he has given me. I'm thankful for even being able to hear when he speaks to my heart and mind.

I'm thankful that I am sober today. I am thankful that my family speaks to me, and is proud of me, again. In the last letter that I received from home, my Dad closed the letter be saying, "Mom and I love you and are proud of the distance you have come as a person. You are starting to mature into a fine young man." Even as I write this, I get choked up. There is no greater feeling in the world than to know my parents are proud of me. It seems just like yesterday that I was the biggest disappointment to them. I felt like I would never amount to anything, and would never be able to honor them. I am thankful that God has answered that prayer of mine- to be able to honor my parents again by living right. He has answered that even while I am here in prison. And for that I am forever grateful.

-Marshall Keith